20 November 2019

Tonight putting the kids in bed, Rosebud says to me, "Mom, I have a question."  She has a specific way of saying 'question' that I can't translate into English phonetics.  It's kind of like "kes-shun".  She has a question every night, and it's usually related to something that just happened that evening and covers every topic from science to fantasy to imaginary friends. 

The following is not an exact transcription, because it was a long conversation, so I may put more adult words into her mouth than she actually used.

Rosebud: Mom, I can never feel God when I pray, so he must not be real, because I can never feel him in my body.

Mom: It takes practice to learn how to feel him, Miss B.  But whether or not you feel him doesn't mean that he's not there.  He is always there.

At this point, Bobo leaned over the divider and said: Rosebud, one time we had missionaries over at our house and they said that after you pray you have to listen in order to feel God.

Mom: Yes, you have to listen with your heart and your mind.  It takes practice!

Rosebud: But I don't feel him in my mind!

Mom: Can I tell you about how God answered my prayers this morning?  (She nods yes) This morning I prayed on the bus on my way to work and told God that I really needed to know that what I was doing was right.  Really really really needed to know.  Then I stopped and I listened hard with my mind and my heart, but I didn't hear anything.  Then I got out my scriptures to read, and the verse on the page when I opened it said, "Judge not that ye be not judged" and I knew right away that it was the answer from God.  I could feel it in my heart.  So today God answered by the scriptures, so I had to be listening to the scriptures to hear God talking to me.  It takes practice.

Mom: Okay, time for prayers.  I'll say prayers tonight. (Rosebud does not like saying prayers and always asks me to say them at bedtime.)

Rosebud: That's right.  No, I have to say prayers because I don't know how to listen!

And then she did pray, and I had a happy feeling in my heart listening to her.  After she had prayed, she seemed very happy and cheerful and settled, so I would like to think that she was feeling the same happy feeling from the Spirit that I was.

I went around to tuck Bobo in, and the following conversation ensued:

Mom: Don't forget to say your prayers tonight, okay?  (one of the sadnesses in my life is that Bobo has decided to keep his prayers between himself and God.  He prays so sweetly and tenderly when he is genuinely talking to God.)

Bobo: I already said my prayers, Mom.  And I listened hard but I didn't hear anything.

Mom: Sometimes it is hard to hear.  Tonight when Rosebud was praying, I had a very quiet happy feeling in my heart, and I know that was the Spirit rejoicing in Rosebud's prayer.  But it was a very quiet feeling.

Bobo: I think maybe I do feel a little better about making friends.  That's what I was praying about.